Alright guys, I know it has been a while since I have been on here. I apologize for that. I started school back up in January 2021 and have been really going non-stop ever since between class work, clinical hours, and implementing my DNP scholarly project (the big project I have to complete before I graduate). On top of all of that, I have been trying to maintain healthy and happy relationships with my family members and friends while trying to eat healthier and work out/be more active. When they say there is not enough hours in the day, it is so incredibly true most days. There are so many things I want to do and need to do, but with everything going on, I have to prioritize.
My biggest struggle over the past couple of years, especially the past 6 months, has been my weight and relationship with food. I weigh more than I have my entire life. I am not trying to have a pity party for myself or ask people to say nice things. I am simply saying I have been struggling with my weight and how I look and feel for quite some time. Back in high school, I never had to work to be “skinny”. I was a dancer and softball player, working out for hours on end a day, sometimes not eating much for meals/snacks because I was always on the go. I remember my best friend and I in high school call our sophomore year our “fat” or “chubby” year. Why? Why did we do this? Body shaming. Media. What we thought we needed to look like was completely opposite of what was true to who we were and are to the core. I currently have an unhealthy relationship with food and am working on it daily. I binge eat when I am stressed. I eat things that do not fuel my body 24/7.
When Austin and I first met, I weighed a lot less than I do now. We moved in together, got comfortable, and dieted/ate healthier to lose weight before our wedding. I remember obsessing and worrying about being “fat” at our wedding. Now, I look back at our video and pictures, and then I think…Why? Why did I ever worry about this on our wedding day? Mind you, Austin has NEVER made me feel less than beautiful and perfect. He has always complimented me and shown me so much love and affection no matter what I weigh or how I look. Why have I become so obsessed with my weight that I am allowing it to enter in my life more than it should in a NEGATIVE way?
I am currently doing a workout program that is 100 days of workouts. As of today, I am on day 34. Guess what? My weight is pretty much the same as when I started the program. How do I feel? Different. I feel stronger. I feel empowered. I feel like a bad ass. I feel beautiful. I feel hope. While I have a long way to go in my weight loss and healthy living journey, I am so proud to know how I feel right now in this moment and how I am beginning to look at this journey. My life is NOT all about how much I weigh or how I look. My life is about feeling GOOD, feeling HEALTHY, being ACTIVE, and LIVING. I have a family history of heart disease, obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, and much more, so I am going to continue on my healthy living journey and remember it is more important to be active and continually work on a healthy diet and exercise than it is to “be skinny”.