I certainly don’t want to make Avery & Ellis, “The Allyson Show.” It’s just, I’m so in awe of the love I received after sharing my post last week. I feared it would come off like I’m the only person in the world who is going through something like this. All of you proved me wrong. I am forever grateful for the kind words and the new friends I have gained after sharing some our story.
What I wasn’t expecting was to get some advice that changed my life. One of the texts that I received was from my boss. Her words left me speechless, with tears in my eyes and chills down my spine. I figured I can’t keep this to myself because there have to be others out there that need to hear it just as much as I did.
So here it goes.
The first thing she sent me was this eye opening poem.
Preface: My boss has walked through a similar path in life that I am currently walking.
Then she sent a message that went something like this.
“It’s good to have someone to talk to about these things. I felt so alone for so long. I know my children, and all that makes them who they are, and all that drives me insane, it has helped others. So, I do see God’s plan in action; even sometimes if I seriously question that “God only gives you what you can handle.” He put me in this field, in this job, to be able to share with others and hope they don’t feel so lost and alone in the process. He blessed me further with parents, teachers, friends to begin to share this with. You can’t take it all away. The guilt can destroy. But if you pay it forward you can see God’s plan at work.”
When you’re going through anything that’s hard in life, it’s so hard to remember that there is always a higher plan. Not to go through my entire story, but I wasn’t an Early Childhood Education major. I actually have my degree in Recreation Management. I worked with school age children while attending college to pay the bills. Something has kept me working in this field for years. Something made me continue my education in Early Childhood. I’ve always loved kids, but I never really knew what I was meant to be, except for a mother. Now I feel like my purpose is to learn more. To pass on our story. To be there for another family who is going through something similar. To remind them that their child is perfect beyond reason, just like mine. To advocate for them. To learn with them. To remind them to not miss out on how blessed they are. To make them feel less alone.
I don’t feel like I’m a strong person. I let defeat get to me more than I should. On Friday afternoon, Rhett’s Occupational therapist emailed me and asking if any of Rhett’s other therapists had ever brought up referring Rhett to see a developmental pediatrician. My heart sank. I got a huge lump in my through. Tears filled my eyes. I knew exactly what this meant. She had seen red flags for autism. While I had seen signs of my own, it’s nothing that a therapist had said to me. Nothing that I had ever heard out loud . That was extremely trying. It still is. But no diagnosis will change my baby.
Overall I feel better since receiving this advice and I’ll continue to remind myself of this on the bad days. Defeat is inventible, but everything is as it is supposed to be.